Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
