Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
