Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
