Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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