I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He better not be in your backpack
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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