Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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