OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
