She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
