I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
