I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
