I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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