He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
