I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
