Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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