I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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