I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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