I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
