I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize