I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
