Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Watching her eat just hurts me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
