Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
