I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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