Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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