He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
