i think i have two assholes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
