She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
