i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
