I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
