im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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