what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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