omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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