Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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