I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
