uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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