don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
