i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
