It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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