I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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