And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
