I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
