someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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