I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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