This is not my ceiling
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
