if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
