During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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