The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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