guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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