I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize