I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
