Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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