I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
