I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
