i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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