This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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