I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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