I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
