Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
