I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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