im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize