Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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