I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
