Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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