Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
