That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
