I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
