i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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