Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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