So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your cock deserves a montage
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
