I wannas sexs uuuuu
well you can't waste a boner
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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