his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
