it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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