you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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