office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
