"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
