Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
