dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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