Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
