walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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