If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
two words: eviction party
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
