it's not cheating when I paid for it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
