please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
