So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
