if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
