Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
