Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
