I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
