Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
