I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
