Ambien. No doubt about it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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