it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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