i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
